Love: a choice or a feeling??
“Real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling — it’s a deliberate choice — a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health.” — Seth Adam Smith
Many people think that love is something that happens to them, not something that they can choose. They believe that love is a feeling, a passion, a spark that ignites when they meet the right person. But what if love is more than that? What if love is a choice, a commitment, a decision that we make every day?
What Does It Mean to Choose Love?
Choosing love means that we consciously decide to act in ways that express our care, respect, and appreciation for our partner. It means that we prioritize their well-being and happiness, and we support their growth and goals. It also means that we accept them as they are, without trying to change them or fix them.
Choosing love does not mean that we ignore our own needs or feelings, or that we tolerate abuse or disrespect. It does not mean that we stay in a relationship that is unhealthy or harmful. It does not mean that we lose ourselves or our identity in the process.
Choosing love means that we balance our own needs and feelings with those of our partner, and we communicate them honestly and respectfully. It means that we set boundaries and expectations, and we respect those of our partner. It means that we grow together and individually, and we celebrate our differences and similarities.
Choosing love also does not mean that we never feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or frustrated with our partner. It does not mean that we never have conflicts or disagreements. It does not mean that we always feel happy or passionate.
Choosing love means that we acknowledge and express our emotions, and we listen to those of our partner. It means that we resolve conflicts constructively and respectfully, and we seek to understand each other’s perspectives. It means that we work on keeping the spark alive, and we appreciate the moments of joy and intimacy.
“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go.” — Erich Fromm
Why Is Choosing Love Important?
Choosing love is important because it helps us build healthy and fulfilling relationships. When we choose love, we create a positive cycle of mutual respect, trust, support, and affection. We feel more connected and satisfied with our partner, and we enhance our well-being and happiness.
Choosing love also helps us overcome challenges and difficulties in our relationships. When we choose love, we are more likely to forgive, compromise, cooperate, and empathize with our partner. We are more likely to see the best in them, and to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. We are more likely to work as a team, and to find solutions together.
Choosing love also helps us grow as individuals and as a couple. When we choose love, we are more likely to learn from each other, and to challenge ourselves to improve. We are more likely to explore new experiences and opportunities together, and to enrich our lives. We are more likely to appreciate our uniqueness and diversity, and to celebrate our achievements.
How to Choose Love in Different Situations
Choosing love is not always easy or obvious. Sometimes, it requires effort, patience, courage, and sacrifice. Sometimes, it requires us to change our habits, attitudes, or behaviors. Sometimes, it requires us to step out of our comfort zone or face our fears.
Here are some examples of how to choose love in different situations:
- When you are busy or stressed: Choose to make time for your partner, even if it is just a few minutes a day. Choose to listen to them attentively, without distractions or interruptions. Choose to express your gratitude for their support and understanding.
- When you are angry or hurt: Choose to calm yourself down before you react impulsively or harshly. Choose to share your feelings honestly and respectfully, without blaming or attacking. Choose to listen to your partner’s feelings without judging or dismissing.
- When you disagree or argue: Choose to respect your partner’s opinion, even if you do not agree with it. Choose to seek common ground or compromise, rather than insisting on being right or winning. Choose to apologize sincerely if you have made a mistake or hurt your partner.
- When you are bored or dissatisfied: Choose to spice up your relationship by trying new things together or surprising your partner with something thoughtful. Choose to appreciate the small things that your partner does for you or the relationship. Choose to remind yourself of the reasons why you fell in love with your partner in the first place.
- When you are tempted or attracted to someone else: Choose to be faithful and loyal to your partner, even if no one else knows or finds out. Choose to avoid situations or people that might compromise your integrity or commitment. Choose to focus on the positive qualities of your partner, rather than comparing them with others.
Conclusion
Love is more than a feeling; it is a choice. By choosing love every day, we can cultivate healthy and fulfilling relationships that last. We can also overcome challenges and difficulties, and grow as individuals and as a couple. Choosing love is not always easy, but it is always worth it.
